'Advertise on All WNY'

Most Recent News

TOMMUNIST: Kearns touts endorsement of Palpatine, Whiplash and Bannon’s liver

South Buffalo Assemblyman Michael “Mickey” “Democrat” Kearns added more support to his bid for Erie County Clerk this afternoon.  After already gaining the support of the Conservative party last month and the Republican party nod yesterday, Kearns appeared at a press conference today with Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine, Snidely Whiplash, and the enlarged, diseased liver of Steve Bannon, White House Chief Strategist to President Donald J. Trump.

“Do it!”

Said the Dark Lord of the Sith:
For many years, we have watched with great interest the career of young Kearns.  I have said many times, he is the most gifted Assemblyman I have ever met. I foresee him becoming the greatest county clerk of all time.  I’m afraid you will find his campaign is quite operational should the Democrats wish to oppose him.
It is his destiny.
While Whiplash did not speak, he continuously laughed maniacally while twirling his long handlebar mustache.  At the same time, the diseased liver of Steve Bannon spurted various colors of liquid from it’s putrid form.
Kearns addressed the media as well during the press conference:
It is a great honor to accept so many endorsements from such prestigious people, fictional or otherwise.  I’m very close to announcing the endorsements of Kim Jong In, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and the Jared Leto version of The Joker.
I’m gonna have so many feathers in my cap, I just might fly!
from The Tommunist via IFTTT