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Friday, May 19, 2017

TOMMUNIST: Canalside unveils concert lineup, end to free admission, & literacy test

All WNY News     Friday, May 19, 2017    

The Canalside Management Group has announced their 2017 “Canalside Live!” concert line up for the 2017 season. Amongst the acts performing will be Old Fogey and the Dry Humpers, and Under The Covers, Buffalo’s favorite cover band who exclusively performs in the various styles of other well-known cover bands. (Full schedule at bottom of article).

Canalside also announced in addition to the VIP section that they can charge extra cash in exchange for “prime viewing spots” that a general admission fee of $5.00 will be assessed for each person hoping to attend, unless the potential attendee can pass what Canalside calls “a musical literacy test”.


Which one is the “riff-raff”, again?
Canalside Spokesman Olson Johnson explained:
To avoid the $5.00 ticket price, we have a convenient kiosk location in Williamsville that is unfortunately not along the bus line that is open every Wednesday from 11:00 am to 2:00 pm. The potential ticket buyer will need to pass what we call “a musical literacy test” where they will need to be able to correctly identify song lyrics from popular artists and groups such as Simon And Garfunkel, Peter Frampton, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Ted Nugent. 
Afterwards, they will need to provide a valid NYS driver’s licence (or NYS non-driver id), a fingerprint, submit to a cavity search, provide a DNA sample, and issue a voided copy of a personal check (no credit unions, please!) Then they can get a white wristband to wear to the concert without being charged a fee. 
Concert security will be checking for anybody without a white wrist and prohibit entry without paying for a ticket. 
Those who fail to meet the criteria to get a free admission at our kiosk will have the opportunity to buy a ticket right then, but an administrative fee of three-fifths the original $5.00 ticket price will be added. If not, they will be “blacklisted” from attending any and all Canalside concerts.

Olson Johnson, Canalside Spokesman

One Buffalo official is A-OK with the changes. Fillmore Council Member David A. Franczyk went on record to say “having a ticket fee will help separate the Buckwheat from the chaff.” He then blew into a dog-whistle three times.

Olson Johnson ended with:
We’re also looking at some sort of “grandfather clause” to allow longtime concert goers the ability to just waltz right in.
The lineup for the 2017 Canalside Live:
• Thursday, June 15 – The Dick Clark 5
• Thursday, June 22 – Old Fogey and the Dry Humpers
• Friday, June 30 – Under the Covers (performing covers of Buffalo’s favorite cover bands)
• Thursday, July 6 – The Tea Party (not the band, but the political group. Russ Thompson and Carl Paladino will perform freeform hate poetry to beatnik music)
• Thursday, July 13 – A.T.P.W.P.W.K.T.A.F.T.O.L. (All the people who played with KISS that aren’t from the original lineup)
• Thursday, July 20 – Beef Helmet
• Thursday, July 27 – Theory of Intelligent Design (Christian Rock)
• Thursday, August 3 – Death Star Orchestra (an incredible 2 hour interpretation of Star Wars composer John Williams’ “Imperial March”)
• Thursday, August 10 – William Randolph Hearst and the Rosebuds
• Thursday, August 17 – ISS Enterprise

from The Tommunist via IFTTT




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